I’m Not Really a Bitch, by Carol Lynne

I don’t know about anyone else, but I could probably come up with hundreds of facts about myself if I thought hard enough about it. And really, being with myself all day long, who knows me better then me, right? But sometimes how we view ourselves (with the benefit of knowing our own motivation and thought processes) isn’t how other people see us.

Here is Carol Lynne to talk about an experience she had that stopped her in her tracks.

Last year, Ethan Day and I spent a pleasant few hours with a fellow author we met at a conference. We enjoyed a nice lunch and great conversation. On the way back to the hotel, I was feeling pretty damn good about myself. I’d actually stepped out of my comfort box and met someone new.

The problem came when we parted company after lunch. The author, an incredibly kind and interesting woman, turned to me before getting on the elevator and told me she was surprised by how nice I was. She went on to explain that I always come across as a bitch in my emails.

The elevator doors shut with her inside, and me standing there with my mouth wide open, hurt more than I’ll ever admit. Ethan, God love him, knows me well enough to know the casual remark would continue to haunt me. As usual, Ethan was right. Damn, I hate that about him.

For the rest of the weekend, the statement continued to bother me. Hell, who am I kidding, it still bothers me. Ethan keeps telling me it’s because I always write short, concise emails in reply to questions asked on the GRL loops or through the GRL website. I’ve asked if I should step back from dealing with those questions and pass them over to someone, like Ethan, who can tell someone their cat died and make it sound funny and charming. Ethan keeps telling me I’m doing fine and not to let casual remarks bother me. Easy for him to say, I don’t know anyone who considers him a bastard. Which is probably a good thing, because I’d have to throw down in my bitchiest bad girl way with anyone who talked about my buddy like that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way upset with the lovely woman who first brought the issue to my attention. It’s more the realization that I can add yet another personal fault to my growing list. LOL

I’ve worked hard to put myself out there. I’m naturally a very private person who has battled low self-esteem my entire life, which is probably why I take things more personally than I should. I will try to do better, but I can’t promise flowery, glowing replies to questions. My time is incredibly limited and the most important thing to me is answering questions as promptly as possible.

Here are some unusual facts about me:
–I spend my days juggling two young children and my writing career. You’re just as likely to either catch me writing a steamy love scene or scrubbing jelly out of the carpet.
–Besides writing, my biggest passion is reading. I have a lot of authors I follow (no not in the stalking sense), but Sean Michaels, B.A. Tortuga, J.M. Snyder and Chris Owen have to be my all-time favorites.
–I drink gallons of coffee every day, but I much prefer instant. I catch all kinds of flack for this from my family and friends. Even though I only drink instant, I am very picky about which brand I buy. It must be Taster’s Choice or nothing.
–I love country music, but can’t stand to have music playing in my house. Therefore, I don’t even own a stereo or radio of any kind. I listen to my tunes as I’m driving around town and that’s enough for me.
–I like to refer to myself as underheight instead of overweight. I’m just sure that if I could add another six or seven inches to my short 5’2 frame, I’d be much thinner. Therefore, it’s not that I overeat, it’s just that I stopped growing.
–I enjoy the Hallmark commercials more than I enjoy the Hallmark movies.


Carol Lynne is offering up a digital copy of Unconventional At Best, a new Anthology with Total-e-bound. To enter, comment below about something you learned about yourself after someone else pointed it out … or did someone else’s perception of you have you saying Huh?

Open until Thursday, August 9th at 11:59 pm (PST). Winner will be randomly selected and notified on Friday.


40 thoughts on “I’m Not Really a Bitch, by Carol Lynne

  1. yganoe August 7, 2012 / 9:24 am

    I talk really loud and super fast and my family is astounded that when I am in front of my students that even though I can be loud I am a different person….

  2. Vicktor "Vic" Alexander August 7, 2012 / 9:27 am

    Awww Carol, you have never come across as a bitch to me. When I met you at GRL, you were so incredibly nice and sweet to me. I think when people read emails they forget that they bring a bit of their own preconceptions to it. I had a day once where everything was going bad and every email that I read that day was negative and bitchy. I think you’re sweet and delightful and I don’t say that just because I love your books and your writing, and not just because I think you’re an amazing person. I look forward to seeing you at GRL in two months.

  3. Jbst August 7, 2012 / 9:49 am

    Being a private person myself, I know what you mean about personal comments that can sting and remain hurtful long afterwards. Some people can be incredibly rude and unkind when making them. One time I was going for a promotion and comments were made about me not being assertive, aggressive or strong enough in personality for the position.

    strive4bst at yahoo dot com

  4. Suze August 7, 2012 / 10:38 am

    I was told once in an appraisal that i was dogmatic – i had to look it up, it stung but i had to admit it was right, i was (pre children) very much my way or the highway!

  5. Cherie Noel August 7, 2012 / 11:08 am

    Carol, for what it’s worth, concise emails never come across as bitchy to me. Just time efficient. 🙂 And frankly, with so much on my plate, I enjoy the hell out of folks who don’t waste my time with a lot of politically correct shize. Mean what you say and say what you mean… preferably in as few words as possible so i still have time to sneak in a little reading at the end of my work day. That keeps me happy. Let’s do lunch at GRL, shall we?

  6. Carol August 7, 2012 / 11:24 am

    Thanks, everyone. Again, I know the comment wasn’t meant to hurt me. It was my own insecurities that made the words a weapon. Sadly, although I know my faults, my self-esteem still remains in the crapper so I can’t seem to get beyond them.

    • Cherie Noel August 7, 2012 / 11:39 am

      Heh. Have you ever gotten an email from Alekandr Voinov? LOL. He defines the term consise. 🙂

      And I sometimes think we become writers to re-shape the world in the image we wish it to be… and then my character’s smack the shize out of me and do whatever they want on the page, and I realize I don’t actually know what the hell I’m talking about., *le sigh*

  7. Tanya Griffin August 7, 2012 / 12:44 pm

    I learned recently from a co-worker that people are actually scared of me! She accidently hit my car and was so afraid to tell me she literally ran. But all I could do was laugh!

  8. readmorromance August 7, 2012 / 2:05 pm

    While at, yet another, doctor appt two weeks ago I had the comment made that I speak very precise. That I pronounce every word clearly. I almost fell over laughin. Me? the hick who drops g’s in emails like nobody’s business. I think the th’s in my vocab ran away along time ago (you know…not like this…like ‘is…not over there….over ‘ere *grin*). So I found that an interestin comment ’bout me…hahahahahaha Carol, you should not feel anxious over the woman’s comment…you would not believe how many authors I have dropped notes to that never even bothered to answer at all! I would rather a short, concise response then to be ignored completely. One author I had bought all of her books, ALL of them, even went hunting for her backlist titles (before ebooks mind you) and found them all but one. I wrote her a snailmail note askin if she would happen to know if it was going to be rereleased in the future or of someone who might have copies for sale…..she sent back the card I had sent with her answer written on it that she had one copy for her own and she was not gonna give that to me….WTF? that is not what I asked….BUT, anyway, I digress….You have nothin to worry about…you are completely and refreshingly honest in your posts and emails and we, your fans, love that about you. You are accessible to your fans and that is more important than you will ever know…*grin*
    Thanks for the postin and the contest!
    Hugs from your fan,

  9. Theresa August 7, 2012 / 3:55 pm

    I’ve never thought you bitch far from it but I think maybe I read between the lines a lot, and I adore you 🙂 lol

    Please don’t enter me in the contest.

  10. Trix August 7, 2012 / 6:54 pm

    Whenever I took drama classes, I was told that I always closed my eyes whenever I was about to speak a piece of dialogue. It was so weird, because I could see…probably explains why I wasn’t that good, though. 🙂

  11. Juliana August 7, 2012 / 6:56 pm

    I have heard that I am very obnoxious, a lot! I asked someone why and she looked at me like I was crazy and said “Well, cuz you talk so loud.” I was shocked! It turns out I speak really loudly and it annoys people. Another woman I know stopped being my friend suddenly. I found out later that she told people talking to me was like talking to a caricature of a human being. Ouch! That was the meanest thing anyone has ever said about me (I hope) and when I confronted her she said she didn’t say it to be mean she said it because it was true. Double ouch!
    I always feel uncomfortable writing emails because I feel unsure how they come across. And this may be bitchy, but I feel like sometimes I send a cursory reply that I want to be the end of the conversation, and then they send another reply! I have nothing more to say, do I send a more abrupt email that screams “I don’t want to talk anymore!” or just not send a reply? I feel like Sheldon on Big Bang, afraid of failing a social construct!
    And I also say I am not overweight I am just short! If I was 4 inches taller… I would still be plump! Never mind that doesn’t work!
    Thanks for the post and giveaway! Congrats on the release!
    OceanAkers @ aol.com

  12. Carol August 7, 2012 / 7:32 pm

    I’m not necessarily loud or precise in my speech. Hmmm, Okay, first of all, I’m from Kansas and we tend to be really lazy in our speech. I also tend to sleep with my face down in the pillow, so I wake up with huge puffy lips. Basically, I’m a mumbler when i wake up because my lips are too big to enunciate. LOL It drives my daughters crazy because I also tend to get upset when people don’t understand me.

  13. kbranfield August 7, 2012 / 9:15 pm

    For what it’s worth, you don’t come across as a bitch in e-mail and definitely not in person. You were warm and friendly every chance we spoke at last year’s GRL and I’m looking forward to chatting with you again this year.

  14. scarletty24 August 7, 2012 / 9:19 pm

    Carol you dont come off as a bitch, and especially at GRL last year you proved that. Something I learned about myself from none other than Mantastic Fiction herself is that I tend to cut people off when they are talking. It is something I now am very self aware of and try to catch myself when I do it.

  15. Dotti August 7, 2012 / 10:41 pm

    Well, I’m REALLY loud. I don’t mean to be but I just don’t seem to have a volume control. I’m constantly being told that I speak too loudly. When meeting new people, I’m fine. But the minute I become comfortable around someone, the volume switch seems to get stuck at maximum. When I got a job at the library, my friends and family laughed up a storm. Kind of hurt my feelings because it’s not something I can control, but there you have it.

  16. Amber Kell August 8, 2012 / 8:01 am

    I met Carol at GRL and I thought she was really nice. Sadly we now can’t be friends. INSTANT COFFEE??? *sigh* I sob for your coffee taste buds. *SOB*

  17. Carol August 8, 2012 / 8:09 am

    LOL, Amber, I still love my Taster’s Choice, but there is a bit of wiggle room since I discovered Butter Toffee k cups.

  18. Amber Kell August 8, 2012 / 8:13 am

    Carol – you’re not making it any better. *shudder* LOL!

  19. Carol August 8, 2012 / 8:18 am

    Well, let me make it even worse. I HATE Starbucks coffee.To me, strong coffee tastes like what’s left over in a coffee cup two days after you first poured it. Coffee flavor should dance on your tongue, not beat it to a bloody pulp. LOL

  20. Amber Kell August 8, 2012 / 8:19 am

    Actually I agree with you on Starbucks! Their coffee does suck 🙂 I live in Seattle and I like the small local roasters.

  21. Cindy August 8, 2012 / 10:37 am

    I am also unheight. I normally wear heels, so one day while in flats it was pointed out repeatedly that I was short, very short. I know 4’11” is not giant sized, but it is tall enough for me.

  22. Crissy M August 8, 2012 / 10:39 am

    I am extremely curious…if I see something that I don’t know about I’ll research the heck out of it or ask someone who I know has the answers. I didn’t realize how bad it was until my sister pointed it out to me a couple weeks ago…I live in Arkansas and there are farm lands all around us…there is a crop that I couldn’t identify as corn, cotton, rice, or soy beans (the normal crops around here) so I drove myself — and apparently my sister — crazy for a couple days until I figured out it was sorghum.What does it matter to my daily life? Absolutely nothing, but I just had to know…now I know more that is probably normal about sorghum. 😀

    • Carol August 8, 2012 / 10:48 am

      Sarcasm is a family trait around my house and we all embrace it lovingly, so you’d fit right in. And in my town, they actually tried putting sorghum on the streets last winter in place of salt. I didn’t notice the difference.

  23. Crissy M August 8, 2012 / 10:40 am

    And for what it’s worth, I’m a pretty sarcastic person and can be perceived as a bitch until you get to know me.

  24. Avalie August 8, 2012 / 11:47 am

    On a positive note, someone once said they thought I was too nice to be an IT Manager. I was astounded by the fact that anyone at all thought I was ‘nice’ and also I couldn’t see what on earth it had to do with the job.

  25. Avalie August 8, 2012 / 11:49 am

    Forgot to say I am currently reading Locky in Love and loving it. Best Campus Cravings for some time.

  26. Linda C August 8, 2012 / 11:49 am

    I have been told I have a weird sense of humor. I don’t think it’s weird, it’s just that I can find humor in almost anything.

  27. Carol August 8, 2012 / 11:51 am

    Thanks, Avalie. I’m writing Eric’s story right now. It’s the first time I’ve ever written series books back to back, but i felt it was important in this case.

  28. Carol August 8, 2012 / 11:55 am

    Funny you should say that, Linda. I was talking to Ethan the other day and realized that the only time I laugh more than when I’m talking to him is when I’m alone. On the weekends when my girls go to their dad’s, I crack myself up over the stupidest things in the world. A good belly-laugh is priceless, even when you’re by yourself and you’re laughing at something you said to an empty room or dog.

  29. nikid August 8, 2012 / 1:49 pm

    I went to an interview once in a very expensive designer suit. I thought that I had done very well and that I would get the job. A couple of months later I met the interviewer again and asked about the interview and what she did not like about me. I was told I was to “Earthy”. Being me I had to have that explained. She told me I was to “Backwoods or Hic.” I was stunned. I am educated and speak well, however I am very blunt and to the point. I quess that is a bad thing. However I still don’t see that as backwoods.

  30. jambrea August 8, 2012 / 5:13 pm

    Yeah…see sometimes shy comes across as snobby. I’m getting over the shy part in person. lol But I never thought of you and bitch in the same sentence. 🙂 AND…I can’t wait for Eric’s story!!!! 🙂

  31. hanksgirl~Amy Cain August 8, 2012 / 6:39 pm

    I was just recently told by my mom that I wrinkle my nose when I smile, I have never noticed that!! Weird huh?

  32. Anonymous August 8, 2012 / 7:04 pm

    I don’t think you come across as a b****. I appreciate direct answers to questions. Besides, anyone who can write what you write, with such emotion and passion, can not possibly be a b****

  33. Carol August 8, 2012 / 7:31 pm

    Aawww, that’s incredibly nice of you to say. Thank you so much. BTW, I’m not saying I’m never a bitch, because let’s face it, I have my moments, but they’re usually reserved for ignorant people who feel the need to tell my little girls that what their mother does for a living is wrong. I tend to save my real bitchiness for those special moments. LOL

  34. devon August 9, 2012 / 10:27 am

    I really like your underheight description – too bad it doesnt work for me, I’m 5’10”. 🙂

    I think sometimes being direct or reserved comes off as being a bitch, especially in email. Anyways, I always appreciate when an author takes the time to respond to an email – I always think how nice of them.

  35. mary gresham August 9, 2012 / 11:15 am

    I’ve got to say I honestly don’t know how anyone could think of Carol as a bitch. She has never been anything but nice to me, emails included, but especially in person. This lady has a very big heart. She’s quiet, so what, so are a lot of people until they get to know you better.
    Carol is an amazing person, both inside and out. She’s also an amazing author, as well as a friend. I don’t know what else to say, other than thank you, Carol, for being who you are, don’t change anything.

  36. chickie434 August 10, 2012 / 12:23 am

    I learned that I evidently looked like a “Rose”. My friend has called me by that name ever since. I already know pretty much everything else that people point out to me (namely, I’m a loudmouth) so that’s about it.


  37. Tracy F August 10, 2012 / 8:16 am

    Probably that I tend to find fault in everything. I didn’t think I did that but I thinks it more my often when people don’t know my sometimes dry sense of humor they don’t understand when I’m joking about something. Oh well something to work on I guess!

  38. mantasticfiction August 10, 2012 / 10:37 am

    Congratualtion Crissy M! You won a digital copy of Unconventional At Best from Carol Lynn. I will be contacting you directly about claiming your prize.

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